Oil Change: Men vs Women

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1. Pull up to Dealership when the mileage reaches 5,000
   miles since the last oil change.

2. Relax in the waiting room while enjoying a cup of
   coffee.

3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a
   properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change:$24.00
Coffee: Complementary
TOTAL: $24.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a
   case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a
   scented tree, and use your debit card for $50.00.

2. Stop to buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid’s pedal car.

6.. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

1. Place drain pan under engine.

2. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

3. Give up and use crescent wrench.

4. Unscrew drain plug.

5. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you
   in process. Cuss.

6. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face
   and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

7. Have another beer while watching oil drain.

8. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

9. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver
   through oil filter and twist off.

10. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter
    splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil
    filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental
    penalties. Drink a beer.

11. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat
    of oil to gasket surface.

12. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

13. Remember drain plug from step 11.

14. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

15. Drink beer.

16. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the
    floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

17. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink
    beer.

18. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe
    eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with
    stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang
    knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles
    and frame.

19. Begin cussing fit.

20. Throw stupid crescent wrench.

21. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck
    and left dent.

22. Beer.

23. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood
    flow.

24. Beer.

25. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

26. Beer.

27. Lower truck from jack stands.

28. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil
    spilled during any missed steps.

29. Beer.

30. Test drive truck.

31. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the
    influence.

32. Truck gets impounded.

33. Call loving wife, make bail.

34. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2,500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1,500.00
Beer: $20.00
TOTAL: $4,145.00

But you know the job was done right!

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