The Bizarre World Of Renault 5 Merch, Including Cassette Players And Cake Tins

We’re rather fond of the new Renault 5 E-Tech: compact, brilliantly designed and hopefully one of the cheapest EVs on the market when it launches later this year, it has the potential to be a massive success.

What we’re less sure about is some of the branded merchandise Renault has rolled out alongside the 5. This is a fairly normal thing for car companies to do, especially around a high-profile model with mass appeal like the 5. Renault has gone down some unusual routes, though.

Much of it is as you’d expect – T-shirts, socks, scale models, and so on. Elsewhere, though, there are some…less obvious items. Take the portable cassette player. Yes, it’s a nod to the original 5, which was produced right through the age of the Walkman, and yes, cassettes are coming back in, as these retro formats usually do. We’re not too sure, however, how many people are going to want to drop €180 – around £154 – on a portable player, even if it does have an excellent design.

In addition to its retro design, Renault is really leaning into the 5’s status as an icon of France, so there are some suitably Gallic accessories available. These include a moule à gâteau, or a cake tin to those of us across the channel. Yes, it’s in the shape of the new 5, so the thousands of people who’ve been aching to bake a cake that looks like a small French hatchback can finally be satisfied.

This Frenchness means Renault will also sell you the kit needed for a game of pétanque. This is sort of a French version of lawn bowls, meaning it takes place amongst nicer scenery and all the players are better dressed. Yours for €110, or around £94.

If you’ve got your 5 as far into a crowded city centre as possible but need something to get you the last couple of miles, you can reach into your boot and get out your 5-branded e-scooter, e-bike or skateboard. To make sure you’re protecting your noggin when you’re cutting about on one of these, you can even get a Renault 5 ‘connected helmet’, which comes with – get this – built-in indicators and brake light.

Perhaps the ultimate bit of weird 5 merch, though, is the table football table. It’s just that – a table football table, made by French company Bonzini, which apparently produces some of the best in the business. Fancy one? That’ll be a shade under £3,600.

Perhaps we’re being overly cynical. The new 5 looks like a fun, carefree car full of delightful retro touches, so who are we to question this deluge of slightly weird merchandise? If nothing else, there’s some fantastic design going on here, and it’s hard to imagine some more straight-laced, serious companies doing this. Just don’t expect to find us on the beach at Ilfracombe this summer heading for the waves with a £2,500 Renault 5 surfboard.