Why The Hell Am I Driving A Honda Accord?

Observe the intro image to this post.  That's my key-carrying carabiner, with a modern Honda automobile key attached to it. As I write this post inside my home-away-from-home Starbucks coffee, there's a 2007 Honda Accord sedan sitting outside which this key fits into the ignition switch of.  The title says "James Mackintosh," and if you look closely you can see the faint outline of a "CarMax" sticker on the back of it.

...WHAT?!? Me? The constant preacher of the joys of old-car ownership?  The person who said "I'll chew off my own foot before I own an OBD-2 car!!!"  Why do I, of all people, have the perfect example of car-as-transportation-appliance now?  Well, let me tell you.  It all started with a rattling noise...

About three weeks ago, I had taken my 1988 Saab 900 SPG to school and back - about a 20 mile commute.  It behaved itself perfectly, as a car that's had a mountain of maintenance money thrown at it should.  No funny noises, no weird smells, no hard starting or hunting idle or explosions.  Life was good.  On my afternoon Starbucks run (hey, I'm an addict, don't judge me) I noticed it was making a strange rattling noise in 3rd gear.  The car had just been "straight piped" (had it's muffler removed and replaced with welded tubing) and there was no hanger, so I assumed it was the exhaust rattling on the rear control arm.  Still, my worry grew when I noticed the noise was only occuring in third gear.

I'd heard the stories about Saab transmissions, and they weren't good.  "Saab made the C900's transmission out of hopes and dreams and puppie dog tails, because steel and aluminum were too expensive."  "Don't push more than 12 psi of boost if you like having a working transmission."  Rumor has it these transmissions were designed for the approximately 100bhp a regular 900 put out, and Saab did exactly didly squat to beef them up for duty in the 900 Turbo.  Still, I wasn't too worried - I had a receipt from the previous owner that showed the car had a complete transmission rebuild at 130,000 miles, a scant 28,000 miles ago.  I changed the transmission fluid every 5,000 miles (one-half the regular recommended change interval) with the best synthetic MTL you can buy.  I didn't slam gears, drop the clutch, or do anything dumb - I knew the trans was a weak spot, so I babied it.  Sure, I was pushing 17psi of boost - but it's not that much, right?

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0udyUwaCpU

You can see where this is going.  Myself and a group of local car buddies headed out later that  night on our regular "Tuesday Cruise," a drive down local backroads at night in the gorgeous North Carolina weather.  Not a mile from where we started, the noise started getting worse.  I took a left turn in 2nd gear, got on the gas, and there was a noise that sounded like a hand grenade going off.  Followed by a noise that sounded like someone had tossed a handful of gravel into my transmission.  Not good.  This - from the car I'd put almost it's entire purchase price into preventative maintenance and repairs!  Arrrgh!

I had no gears.  The lever was moving but nothing was happening except more grinding noise and painful bouncing-gravel sounds.  I put on my flashers and coasted into the closest neighborhood.

"What happened, man?"

"I dunno.  I think it's the transmission."

"Sounds like you threw a rod, dude."

"That's gonna hurt."

A mile from where we started, the adventure was over.  I waited and watched as Ingrid the SPG, my beloved Swedish Mistress, was pulled onto the back of a flat-bed tow truck - again - and had a revelation.  Whatever this was, it wasn't good.  And I'd had enough.

You see, this car spent almost as much time on a tow truck as it did on a highway.  I'd fix one thing, and something else would blow up.  Hell, I'd  fix things before they broke and stuff would still blow up.  You've got to understand, I'm a student and I don't have a lot of time or money to be left stranded on the side of the road in a cloud of smoke.  Something had to be done.

The next day, I called my mechanic - the talented Eric Patterson at Patterson Performance Saab where I'd had the car towed.  The prognosis was just as bad as I thought.  The cluster bearing on the primary drive shift into the transmission was presently bouncing around inside the casing.  It was dead, 28,000  miles after it had been brought back to life.  "They all do this," he consoled.  "They actually improved that bearing in the '82 models.  Then again in the '90 models when it kept happening."

"How can this happen, Eric?  It's not even 30k on this rebuild!"

He crossed his arms and shook his head.  The transmission was done - it needed a full rebuild or a replacement.  Neither was cheap.  I was once again without a running car.

So while I waited for Eric to find a transmission - not an easy task, considering they all blow up, and my particular 900 was third in line at his shop for one, I decided to acquire another car.  Not another 20 year old bucket of problems, but one that was pretty new.  A known quantity that I knew would get me to school and work for the foreseeable future.  A blue-chip investment, if you will.  My first thought: a Honda or Mazda.

So off to CarMax I went, in search of a JTA (Japanese Transportation Appliance) with a manual transmission.  Local searched turned up a handful: a Sonata with a 2.4 and 5-speed, a handful of Mazdas, and...  an '07 Accord EX?  With a manual?  I'm interested.  I've always liked Accords.  They're not the most exciting thing, but compared to their competition they've always been slightly more refined and less spiteful to drive.  This once was beige as could be - English Tan outside, beige with fake wood trim inside - but it had cruise, A/C, a slick 5-speed manual, and the highway mileage number was "34."  On regular!  I was sold.

One major "ouch" on my college savings account later, and it was mine.  Only 33,031 miles on the clock, it still even had some of the "new car smell" left, and everything works. It's a revelation.  The utter smoothness of every control and switch in this car must be felt to be believed, if you're used to old worn-out relics from another decade.  The shifter isn't obtrusive!  You can find whatever gear you want without crunching a synchro or guessing where fifth is!  The ball joints don't click in pain when you reverse at full lock!  There's no ominous creaking noise from the rear suspension!

Is it as exciting as Ingrid the 900 SPG?  Well, of course not.  It's a four-cylinder Accord.  But the saying has always been "For every 30-year old Alfa Romeo in the garage, there's an Accord in the driveway."  I've come to the painful realization that you can't have an old, turbocharged European oddity that you can't find parts for as a daily driver unless public transportation near you is adequate (it isn't) or you have a ton of money (I don't.)

Will I miss the Saab?  Oh, absolutely.  I loved the Saab.  It was a part of me, a part of my identity as a person, a conversation starter and it put a smile on my face every time it started up.  Whether that's because I was happy the damn thing started or because it was awesome is still open for interpretation.

So now I get to be part of the large population of car guys trapped in JTA's.  But you know, when you roll the sunroof back, put the windows down, and blast your favorite CD (currently Jimmie's Chicken Shack: Bring Your Own Stereo) on the sound system, life's still good, because you're still doing what you love to do: drive.

Will I get another project car somewhere down the line?  Oh, absolutely.  And it's going to be even weirder than the Saab.  How does a Citroen SM-Maserati strike you?  But for now, I'll enjoy having a car that starts every time and gets me - and 4 of my closest friends - down the road in comfort.