The 7 Ugliest Modified Cars We Could Find In The Classifieds

Porsche Cayenne S

This isn’t the first disgustingly ugly Cayenne you’ll have seen and it sure as hell won’t be the last, but it is the ugliest we could find for sale in the UK. A Gembella body kit is the cause of most of the car’s woes, but we don’t like that none of the photos shows the black leather interior. Does it get even worse?

Underneath the awful exterior it’s a Cayenne S on a 2005 ‘55’ plate. It has covered almost 90,000 miles since new, hopefully not in this state, and has a full service history. The seller reckons £15,950 is a bargain, but you just wouldn’t.

Ford Focus Ghia

What in the name of all that’s holy is going on here? Have we all fallen asleep and woken up in the early 1990s? As graphics go, these are not good. This Focus Ghia (the comfy, luxurious one for old people) has been riced to death with very, very dated headlights that don’t even look a colour match for the bonnet, plus (of course) a useless aftermarket spoiler.

You might begin to think there’s a silver lining to this cloud in the shape of Focus ST alloy wheels, but they’ve been kerbed. A lot. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

Toyota Estima Lucida

Wow. Just… wow. The seller says millions of yen have been spent on it, with a spec list spanning a 32-inch flat-screen TV, an Xbox 360, adjustable air suspension, a remote starter and more. Looks like you could rest a whole load of Big Macs on the front bumper extension, too.

This is one we probably don’t need to say too much about. Just look at it! From the four pointless exhaust pipes to the frankly sickening wheels that just don’t suit the purpose, the ridiculous jutting chin and more, this is just a mess. A nasty turquoise mess.

Peugeot 307 CC

“You will not find another 307 like this!!!” shouts the seller. Well, thank God for that. The 307 CC has to be the most evilly ugly car Peugeot has ever made. The only reason you’d base a project on one of these is if you’ve never seen any other kind of Peugeot, or if your planned project involves setting it on fire.

Undeterred, our gallant seller explains that the car was originally a category C insurance write-off before he improved it with a “Lambo” front bumper and a custom body kit. The 18-inch concave alloy wheels aren’t too bad, but the rest of the package is an affront to more or less everyone, everywhere.

BMW 318d

Can anyone think of a good reason to spray a 318d purple? Anyone? Then let’s get to the wheels, which go with the paint like flared trousers go with skateboards. The car itself is deeply, deeply unworthy of being modified in the first place. It’s a totally boring diesel rep-saloon with almost nothing interesting about it whatsoever. Painting it purple doesn’t alter that. It just makes it 10 times less appealing.

It’s a classic example of what happens when someone with no taste whatsoever gets an idea. This sort of thing should be illegal; punishable by a week in stocks having rotten fruit and veg thrown at your face.

Volkswagen Passat Sport

Oh how we laughed when we saw this one. Apparently the seller has just washed it, but the heavily brown-tinged white-painted wheels should tell you all you need to know about whether or not this guy does things properly. A de-badged Passat with a Veyron-esque two-tone paint job is so upside-down and inside-out that we’re not even sure whether he did it to be ironic or whether he’s just, err, ‘different’.

It doesn’t work on any level. At all. We’re so amused/horrified by this that we’d actually like someone to buy it (get a big discount) just to put it back to how it should be. Awful, awful stuff.

Volkswagen Golf MkIV

Maybe this Golf had been parked under a cloud of volcanic ash. Maybe its owner has taken steps to camouflage it ahead of a nuclear apocalypse where we all have to scratch a living in the half-light. Or, maybe, he just got it wrong. Badly wrong. It’s a bit of a waste of a 1.8-litre 20v turbo Golf, albeit one with 143,000 miles.

The seller’s opening bid expectations are low, but probably not low enough. It’s a horror show. Always gets looked at, he says. Yeah, we can see why.

We’ve been so motivated by the magnitude of the utter crap we found that we might just have to do this again, but with the best-looking modified cars you can buy today. We’ll have to wait and see.