Oh The Crap That I Get: "Digital Network Reaches Motorists At The Pump!"

As a man of action, an automotive journalist always on the go, I am continually in "the know". Automotive concerns from around the globe are incessantly sending me very important information that I simply MUST know about. So, welcome to an irregular feature on Car Throttle: Oh The Crap That I Get. Today's episode ...

"Digital Network Reaches Motorists At The Pump!"

That was the subject header sent to me by a well-meaning PR hack, er, I mean fellow, by the name of Daniel K that just had to let me know about a truly amazing automotive advancement.

Here's what he had to say:

From: Daniel Kxxx Date: Mon, Aug 10, 2009 at 7:08 AM Subject: Tony, Digital Network Reaches Motorists At The Pump! To: tonyXXXXXX@gmail.com

Hi Tony,

We’re not sure if you know about this, but there is a whole new digital technology medium happening at gas stations and convenience stores across the U.S.

We want to let you know about the unique opportunities the PumpTop TV network is creating for content providers and advertisers to reachmotorists at 12,600 locations.

Currently used by major brands such as Audi, Rolaids, Jack in the Box and BestBuy

Content from providers like NBC

20 million consumers reached each month

19-inch LCD screens and full stereo sound

Please click below or contact me if you want anymore information about PumpTop TV!

Thanks, Daniel K 212 XXX XXXX x127

Gee Daniel, thanks everso for sending me that wonderful bit of important news, but the problem is, I already know about the "unique opportunities" of PumpTop TV. The last time I had to swing by the closest gas station before hotfooting it to a Sunbeam Tiger Owners Club Auto-X, I was assaulted by something PumpTop TV-like.

There it sat, a dead screen on top of the gasoline pump, and as soon as I lifted the nozzle out of its cradle, the TV, with its volume set to BLARE, magically fired up and told me, and the whole neighborhood, about the mind-blowing scenes I would see on some reality TV show with a shocking (shocking I tell you) surprise ending I simply would not believe.

What a wonderful world we live in.

Gee Daniel, I'd put PumpTop TV right up there with advertisements in shopping carts, soda companies that make vending machine deals with school systems, The Slap-Chop and Zyklon-B.

Sorry, did that overstate things? Yeah, that last bit was probably over the top a little. But you know, I'm getting real tired of having products of astonishing wonderment that will make my dull and dreary life so much more fulfilling rammed down my throat at every damn turn of my day. Real tired Daniel.

I've worked in enough ad agencies, and around enough agency people to know that far too many of them think that what they do is art (art I tell you) and they are providing a service (like a doctor, or a guide dog) that uplifts humanity and will get us all to a better place. And I also know that if advertising had its way, they'd put a logo on the side of Half Dome.

Here's a tip for you Daniel: I don't need to know about the new Audi SUV or about how Rolaids will help my heartburn or the "food" on the menu at Jack in the Box or the new DVD players at BestBuy, and I sure don't need it provided to me via a 19-inch LCD screen and full stereo sound from the top of a gas pump at six in the morning.

It doesn't ad to my quality of life Daniel, it detracts from it. Markedly.

But thanks for the heads up.

Photos from Flickr users ardenswayoflife, Ken Roberts Photography, NatalieMaynor and mr. toaster.