You're Doing It Wrong: Ivan The Terribles' Civic

At first glance, I thought this might be the new Mugen Civic Type R ULTIMATE EDITION (or whatever.)  Upon closer inspection, well...  Agghh, where do I even begin?  I've seen my fair share of poorly modified cars, but this one takes the cake and runs with it.

You can observe the full howling-VTec glory of this Civic four door in the side profile.  I bet he really needs that bi-plane spoiler to counteract the massive gobs of power he's cranking out of this.  Or, hey... wait a minute.

It's a Civic DX! Which, if my encylopedia brain is right here, would be the base-model with the non-vtec D-series, roll-up windows, no ABS, and drum brakes on the back.  Doesn't that just scream performance car to you?  Less is more, right?  And the quality and attention to detail on this build is just absolutely spotless.

I mean, you can really tell that whoever this "Ivan" is (less than 8, greater than 6?) is a guy who loves the sweat the details.  He doesn't cut corners.  NO SIR.  There's a good reason for the crap aftermarket front bumper, hood, and cheap chinese headlights.  They're PERFORMANCE MODIFICATIONS.  And you can tell he carefully and delicately rolled those fenders to accomodate those awful wheels with the wrong offset.  How much would you bet he's running cheap spacers, too?

Or, it could be that he bought the cheapest, ugliest replacement parts he could get his Terrible little hands on after running this poor Civic into a lamp-post.  And while he probably deserved it, this car certainly didn't.  Look at that front bumper support - and how nothing is lined up or seemingly even attached at all.  At least the man sees opportunity after getting into a collision, whereas most people just get depressed.  And if opportunity comes to you in the form of getting to make grilles out of chicken wire, then who am I to criticize?

No... actually, this is just 8 pounds of crap in a 6 pound bag.  With the money spent on the daft headlights, hood, bumpers, underbody neon (not pictured, as the retardation would cause a black hole to open up in the universe and we'd all die a painful death), fabulous rear wing for this front-wheel-drive slowmobile, ugly taillights, bitchin' license plate frame...  Why, this guy could've gotten a real car.  Not to be an elitist, but I imagine you could at least get a decent condition 240SX or something for what he put into this heap.

And furthermore, it's not even like it's hard to modify a Civic the right way.  Twin-cam VTec B-series engines are epically cheap and easy to install, these mid-ninties Civics already have double-wishbone independent suspension and can be made to handle like a go-kart with very little trouble, and the general size of the Honda aftermarket is absurd.  So, Ivan, You're Doing It Wrong.