The Sins & Virtues of The Lotus 7

"Ah. Touche!" said my managing editor to me from another publication that I write for. That remark was prompted by another authors question concerning The 7 deadly Sins & The 7 Virtues as applied to automobiles. He asked:

"I am planning on a 7-deadly sins ... and a 7-heavenly virtues of 'automobiles'."

To which I responded: " Yes, but doesn't the Lotus Seven cover all sins and all virtues in one mechanical package?"

So let's see if my thesis holds water shall we? Just what are these Sins and Virtues, and how does the immortal and beloved Lotus 7 hold up? First off, let's look at the territory here, the Sins and Virtues are:

Sins: Pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed and sloth. Virtues: Chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness and humility

Now, lets take a look at them, each in turn, with the regards to the Seven. First, the Sins: Pride. Oh yes, you'll have a lot of this, knowing that the car your driving is one of the quickest on the planet, and can show that guy in the Porsche a thing or two.

Envy. Yeah, wait until the first time you're caught out in a Seven in the rain. You'll envy your friends whose cars have roofs and heaters, BOY how you'll envy them

Gluttony. You'll be eating up the miles like Orson Wells at the head of the buffet table.

Lust. Sure, you'll lust, and not just after weather protection when things get inclement, but you'll also lust after more spare time to drive the thing.

Anger. Yup, lots and lots of anger at all the slow-pokes that are in front of you.

Greed. Mm-hm. A lot of people when they get a Seven get greedy for more power from the engine. Strikes me a suicidal, but you know, each to their own.

Sloth. OK, this was a tough one for me to figure out, but you know, with a car as fast as a Seven, you can experience sloth. Especially if you get one of the older original ones with the Ford engine and the twin carbs. You'll spend a lot of time working on it, and not going fast. Not to mention waiting for those parts to arrive.

But how about those Virtues?: Chastity. Oh yeah, you'll have plenty of chastity to go around. Why? Because it takes a special kind of woman to put up with everything that a Seven has not to offer. And those women, I have found, are very few and far between. Then again, my wife loves cars like the Seven, and she very much falls into the "special kind of woman" category.

Temperance. Are you nuts to even question this? Have you seen the crash "protection" on a Seven? Yeah, drinking and driving in a Lotus 7, great idea, just great.

Charity. But of course! Owning a car like this means that not only will you be giving small children lots of rides, but you'll also be stopping to help stranded motorists out; Seven's bring out a funny sort of altruism that way.

Diligence. Oh quite. The operation of a Seven demands diligence. This is a car that requires you to listen and pay attention to what it is asking and the situations you're putting it into.

Patience. Yes, lots of patience if you get and older one, and if you get a newer one, then you'll patiently sit around, waiting for the weather to get better so you can "just take her out for a quick drive."

Kindness. You'll be kind to the environment, for one thing, since these cars use very little resources. Plus you'll be kind to all those kids you give rides to (see "Charity").

Humility. Oh my yes. Because even though you've got one of the most capable cars on the road, that doesn't mean you're Michael Schumacher, and nothing gives a driver a sense of humility like nearly wrapping it around a tree.

Photos from Flickr users exfordy, The Pug Father and redjar.