Fat Countryman Hits The Gym, While GP Blasts The 'Ring

Mini has given both ends of its range the John Cooper Works (JCW) treatment in the form of the viciously fast JCW GP and the all wheel drive JCW Countryman.

The GP is a stripped out limited edition road racer which has been honed around the gruelling Nürburgring circuit and takes the crown as the fastest ever Mini. The speedy GP packs a beefy 215bhp engine and after a crash diet now tips the scales at a featherweight 1160kg. As a result the eager GP punches its way to 62mph in 6.3 seconds and keeps going all the way to 150mph.

Accounting for the manic performance figures are the steroidal turbo engine which has been massaged by Mini’s power hungry engineers, the lightweight chassis, adjustable coilover suspension and huge six piston brakes. In their quest to lose the pounds, the engineers have ditched the rear seats leaving a van-like cavern at the back and just two seats for the driver and one lucky passenger.

Mini’s designers have also been busy, adding sharp new bumpers, a brace of mahoosive central pipes and some tasty lightweight 17 inch rims. Sadly they’ve also plastered the car in ridiculous stripes that look like they’ve been scrawled by one of the designers’ Fruit-Pastilles-addled three year olds. Peel the dodgy decals off though and this Mini looks pretty mean in its Thunder Grey paintwork.

The interior on the other hand is slightly more sombre with shoulder squeezing Recaro sports seats, a chunky steering wheel, piano black trim and red stitching. Unsurprisingly the fastest ever Mini is also one of the most expensive Minis ever with a whopping price tag of £28,790. Just 2,000 GPs will hit the roads later this year.

While the GP has had a bad bout of anorexia, the JCW Countryman has eaten all the automotive pies, packing an all wheel drive system under its bulbous skin plus big 18 inch wheels with the option of replacing those for wheel arch bursting 19 inchers. Consequently the Countryman weighs in at over 300kg more than its skinny GP cousin, in part due to its larger size.

With the same engine as the GP plus all wheel drive traction, the Countryman is still pretty damn fast, hitting 62mph in seven seconds and providing “extreme driving fun on rough terrain” according to Mini. However the car’s spec also includes lowered sports suspension with “particularly firmly tuned springs and dampers” so you might need a replacement spine should you try your hand at rally style driving on rough terrain in this thing.

Like the GP, the Countryman JCW is a weird looking creature with stripes galore plus an unhappy looking droopy grille, nondescript alloys and a big arse. But if you want rampant JCW performance, all wheel drive traction and five seats, this is your car. Should you have a hefty £28,595 in your jeans pocket, that is…