CT Asks: USA Or UK?

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Britain is better than America at everything – except perhaps gun crime and obesity. And as a result, British cars are simply better than American vee-hicles. Full stop (that means “period” to all you Yanks out there).

It doesn't matter whether you’re gunning for a manic lightweight screamer like the Ariel Atom, a full blown GT car like the new Aston Martin Vanquish, an insanely fast track muncher like the McLaren MP4-12C or an unstoppable off road technofest like the super luxurious new Range Rover – what you want is a car crafted by the nation that gave the world James Bond, Marmite and Shakespeare. British cars march into battle with a healthy dose of class and quality all bolstered by cutting edge tech’. What more could you possibly desire?

The US of A however, specialises in supersized McDunkin’BurgerTacoKing heart attack burgers, school shootings and roads so straight you could set the cruise control at 60mph and have a tantric orgy in the back seat without your car falling off the road. But while such roads are great for exercising your beaver-basher, this means that American cars are quite frankly, sh*t.

You get the impression that US car companies only have three things in mind when 'engineering' a new Americar: it must be as big as possible, have suspension squidgier than the average Mississippian’s mud-pie-packed-gut and be thrown together as cheaply as is physically possible. Consequently, most American cars are ridiculously big, ridiculously heavy, ridiculously thirsty and feature technology so primitive that even Jesus would have sneered and jumped back on his donkey in disgust if you’d chucked him the keys.

I mean just look at the two bestselling star spangled bangers – the hideous hickmobile that is the Ford F Series pickup and the fatass Chevrolet Silverado which looks like it was designed by a three-year-old with nothing more than a brick and some aluminium (yes that’s how you spell it) foil.

Admittedly though, the home of the free has inadvertently created some interesting machinery including the nearly beautiful Chevrolet Corvette and the testosterone charged Chevrolet Camaro, plus the 1960s Shelby Mustang GT390, which does sing a rather nice tune when you awaken its big, lazy V8. Oh and then there’s the seriously butch Dodge Charger which starred alongside the GT390 in Bullitt’s epic car chase. These stateside motors might not be clever, but they sure are big.

In fact, it seems America is really rather good at draping mahoosive V8 engines with some sexy bodies in the name of muscle. It’s just a shame that US car companies have never mastered any of the other elements involved in car building. However, I think the 'fintastic' 50s Cadillac Eldorado must just offer the answer – dump all the prehistoric tech’, keep the fins and you’ve got the perfect American car. It just happens to be a sofa.

As someone who is fortunate enough not to be American I might be a teensy weensy bit biased on this matter, but I am definitely right! Unless you'd like to convince me otherwise? After you've finished your third dinner, that is...

Let's start with a poll: