Are Tune-Ups Coming Back On Song?

It wasn’t so very long ago that the entire notion of car modification carried an overwhelming whiff of chav about it. Well-worn clichés spring to mind, of young guys inspired by Dom Toretto “livin’ his life a quarter mile at a time” in ‘10 second cars’ through the Fast & Furious franchise, but only with an innocent Saxo or Corsa to impress their artistic flair upon, rather than an RX-7 or Skyline.

After the rather sad death of Max Power Magazine and the graduation of the ‘cruiser’ generation into their sensible company cars or white vans, the trend seems to have conspicuously dried up among young drivers. So, if your parents fancy picking up some decking at the local DIY store on a weekend evening, you can arrive in the expanse of car park safe in the knowledge you’re not about to gatecrash an impromptu yoof petrolhead convention, set to the sound of over-zealous understeer and Ministry of Sound Ultimate Hardcore 38, with essence of clutch smoke and testosterone hanging thick in the air. There are still a few of the fibreglass-and-subwoofer brigade squealing around to keep PCSOs and Daily Mail readers busy, but the herd seems to have moved on.

They are still around though – they’ve just grown up, and taken their hobby with them.

Car modifying seems to be far more acceptable and encouraged than it was a decade ago, and it’s not body kits this time either, it’s proper performance kit. If Dad wants to endow his 2.0 turbodiesel rep-mobile with a bit more cred, he doesn't treat it to a chrome tax disc holder and boomy exhaust: he has it ‘mapped. A computer remap of the engine’s ECU will unleash more power and torque, and often improve consumption figures too. Taking a BMW 320d above 200bhp and 55mpg is nothing out of the ordinary: it’s almost default behaviour for keen drivers.

Alpina has been officially modifying standard BMW models for years with turbocharged motors, auto ‘boxes and bespoke chassis set-up, but some commentators are now touting them as potential alternatives to the parent company’s own flagship M Division creations. Want an M5 but not 22mpg? How about saving twenty grand, grabbing an Alpina D5 and getting 48mpg and 0-62mph in 5.1 seconds (albeit not simultaneously)? Certainly makes up for BMW not bringing its own M-branded diesels to the UK…

It’s not just premium manufacturers either. Ford will offer you Mountune kits for its Fiesta and Focus ST if you want power bumps and exhaust mods without jeopardising the warranty. Well-known outfit DMS Automotive will remap and de-restrict anything from a Land Rover Freelander to Porsche 911 Turbos and Ferrari 599s.

This isn’t the same as the manufacturer-fed craze in accessorising, as seen on the Mini, Fiat 500, or entire Audi range. I’m not talking about adding stickers, stripes and Exclusive Extended Leather Packages as cost options, because that’s not really car modifying, that’s simply individualising your own car at a hefty fee, much like a private registration number plate.

Adding serious performance upgrades to increasingly-less mundane motors has become big business though, and as such, is being taken a damn sight more seriously than the ‘hoons’ or ‘ricers’ of yesteryear. Depending on your viewpoint, the slightly terrifying/fantastic thought is that, with the likes of Litchfield taking Nissan GT-Rs to 620bhp with ease and 1000bhp with a fortune, the guys still into the modding can actually hit a furiously fast 10-second quarter mile if the mood takes them.

I’m not sure how much ‘mapping you’d have to subject a Beemer 335d to before it did the same though…

Will anyone dare admit to wilful tuning in the comments?