The Beauty Of Failure

The Germans are good at a lot of things. Along with over-engineering seemingly simple components to the point they're twice as complicated as they need to be, they're also really good at coming up with single words to describe things that other languages would use a few for.  For instance, schadenfreude: which means "taking joy in the pain of others."  Which is a really fancy way of saying you're kind of a jerk, but sometimes I indulge in some schadenfreude when it comes to the automotive realm: mainly, laughing at people on YouTube when they blow up their cars, or wreck their cars, or flip their cars, or get caught by the cops doing something stupid.  See what I mean, and see if you don't find some joy in other's sorrow as well.

This, honestly, is the video that gave me the idea for this post: a YouTube classic, to be sure.  The classy passenger (hiding the camera when he rolls up to the light) sets the expectations high by saying "M3's suck."  Keep in mind, the camera man is in the passenger seat of a mid-90's Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX, which has the potential to be quite fast, but anyone who's familiar with tuned cars knows they also have the potential to blow up violently.  Let's also note the camera hiding, which could be an indication that the only people "racing" in this "street race" were those behind the wheel of the turbo Eclipse.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLL690yudQo

The video gets even better, though - midway through third gear (while the guys in the Eclipse are admittedly winning) there's the sound of a small explosive device going off, the engine lets go, and we get that fantastic commentary from the passenger:  "Was that your car? Was that the engine? Was that the engine?!?"

Thankfully, the owner of this highly modified Eclipse was nice enough to provide some details of the aftermath.  Check out that connecting rod!  Good lord!

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7s8nciSWpA

Another famous YouTube failure, this time behind the wheel of a bright yellow Corvette C6 Z06.  The YouTube uploader hits the nail on the head: "Pride cometh before the fall."  Watch as this guy tries to do a burnout - he makes some smoke alright, but you'll notice the tires don't move at all; the smoke is coming from the clutch.  The cameraman makes what might be brightest observation ever: "Well, it wasn't the tires."  How much do you think a clutch for a C6 Z06 costs?

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8lhIbBwl60

I apologize for the language in this video in advance.  Technically, this Dodge Ram SRT-10 doesn't blow up so much as it... well, watch the video.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AeYsIFmYT6o

An explosion on the dyno is never a pretty sight.  This Mustang GT500 has a lot of parts, but there's still some work to be done on the tune.  Watch this supercharged monster literally explode at the end of a vicious dyno pull, spitting flames out the top of the engine bay and blasting smoke out of the tail pipes.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKDkBR8-2mA

A pretty violent failure here.  The car is a (4th generation) Trans Am WS6 with a built 7.0L motor - an LS7 from a Z06, with L92 heads, huge headers, etc - 525 wheel horsepower.  The first 2:30 are footage of the car running and whooping ass; then there's the video of the clutch slipping then exploding during a burnout.  Not just, "oh, it burned up" - literally exploding, and tearing parts of the car up with it.  The explosion ripped mounts off the block itself, and shot shrapnel through the floor panel, lodged it in the dash, just insane.  Scatter shields are you friend!

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJtJUVyEyYY

Tractor pulls are an unbelievably simplistic motorsport, but they provide the opportunity for some of the most insane explosions you'll ever have the chance to see.  This might look like an ordinary tractor, but there's a highly tuned diesel racing engine under the hood.  He starts his run off fine, the twin turbochargers screaming, the front end lifting up in the air as the tractor struggles to pull the heavy sled.  There's a small explosion, then a huge one - then the entire block rockets off the crank and up into the air, crashing down - then he runs it over. Ever run over your own engine?

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCsSVLZ6wCI

An engine blowing on a brake dyno is always impressive - I have no idea what kind of engine this is, but it does a great job of ventilating the entire bottom of it's block!

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUkXriHjQeI

A 483whp EG Civic with an Integra GS-R engine, turbocharged, running hard on the dyno.  Looks like a sick car under the hood, big turbo and intercooler.  Wait for it... wait for... bam! whoa!  This is why you don't stand in front a boosted Honda on the dyno!

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbXGf7o3Frs

There's so much fail going on this video, I don't know where to start.  For one, there's a Dodge Neon.  Expanding further, he's got a huge chrome wheel on the front (driven!) and a steelie on the back (not driven!)  And a busted window, and he's try to do a burnout in the sidewalk drainage.  Then the pressure plate explodes, the flywheel liberates itself onto the bottom of the hood, and... Actually, this isn't a fail at all.  This Neon is no longer with us, this guy should get a congressional medal.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8c0tDzyKlA

Onto a different kind of fail.  We'll entitle this lesson "why you make sure your lug nuts are properly torqued down before beginning an autocross."  I wouldn't feel so bad if it wasn't a gorgeous 3rd-generation RX7 suffering at the hands of it's owner.  Seriously though, how do all 4 wheels fall off at the same time?

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvjTZu3JrHw

Look...  If you're going to drift your RHD Dakar Yellow E36 M3 in a parking lot (you moron) also make sure your passenger door is closed, and your passenger is firmly belted in.  This guy could've died.  Sell that M3 to someone who knows what they're doing and buy a Toyota Sienna already.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQy9AKxXuc0

Further evidence in the connection between "idiots" and "drifting on a public road,"  you should make sure there isn't a cop following you while you're driting a roundabout in your Supra.  And when the cherries come on, you should probably stop drifting the roundabout.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRQejjqIPYg

I could actually just do an entire separate article of "idiots failing at drifting."  Don't you people know what counter-steer is?  I guess $90,000 BMW's and common sense don't necessarily come pre-packaged together.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGuDiZDhb5g

Alright, they've got a Dodge Caliber.  They're trying to drift it.  No one has told these intellectually handicapped teenagers that a Caliber is front-wheel-drive.  They try it once, and spin it backwards over a clump of ice.  You'd think that'd be enough to make them realize it's not going to work.  Then they try again... and roll it over repeatedly.You'd think the "survival of the fittest" principle would take over here, but apparently they're still around to upload the video to YouTube.  Uhh,  good luck explaining this when the rental agency finds this video!

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGN4B7GQZJ0

You know what, my head is starting to hurt.  I went into this article thinking it'd be funny, but now I'm just depressed that I'm the same species as some of these people.  I'm going to go now; maybe find a desert island where no one will try to drift a Caliber or stand in front of the dyno or race an M3 in an Eclipse.  It'll be good for my mental health.