Behold the mighty BMW M550i xDrive. As we already knew, it launches to 62mph faster than the outgoing M5 Competition Pack(!) courtesy of a 455bhp twin-turbo, double-VANOS V8.
Just for clarification, this won’t be the fastest G30 5 Series, but it still hits 62mph in four seconds flat. Thank huge torque (479lb ft) from just 1800rpm, linked to tall gearing and, of course, four-wheel drive traction.
We’d expect it to smash into its 155mph speed limiter like a lemming into the rocks at the bottom of a cliff. As such it earns the same semi-M ‘M Performance’ status as the M140i, M240i, M550d, X4 M40i, X5 M50d, X6 M50d and M760Li models.
Of course, speed isn’t everything. The M550i gets a package of dynamics-aiding upgrades like 10mm lower suspension, light-alloy wheels and shaper Sport and Sport+ engine and chassis modes than lower models will get.
It will also get larger brakes with metallic blue calipers. BMW claims the car will offer improved feel at the brake pedal as well as the steering.
Onto the boring stuff, and the M550i will get adaptive cruise control, lane-keeping assistant and lane-change warning as standard, which, unless the driver turns them off (which they will), will help to stop them changing lanes without indicating.
Intelligent Speed Limit Assist is another handy anti-BMW Man weapon. We’d expect it to use a combination of traffic sign recognition, GPS data and online road network data, but the end result is that speed limits can be automatically applied to the car’s cruise control system, preventing ‘accidental’ trips through 50mph zones at 90.
Plus, if you have any kind of Internet-connected device, the M550i can probably talk to it. Phones, tablets, laptops and smart watches are all included. All sorts of other clever features are available, too, like the ability to reserve parking spaces from afar, and the computer’s best guess at where in town you’re most likely to find an on-street space at any given time.
But enough of that nonsense, BMW. Just give us a video of the exhaust noise, please.