Why The New Nissan Qashqai Will Spam Our Lives Like A Viral Internet Meme

The Qashqai has proven hugely successful for Nissan. Since 2007, the Japanese brand has shifted over 2m of the things worldwide; you need only step out of your front door to see a Qashqai rolling by...

Which leaves Nissan with a colossal problem. How do you make an all-new Qashqai model just as successful with existing punters and a new wave of buyers? After all, the crossover segment (something Nissan revolutionised) now offers a nauseating mix of options from each corner of the globe. Audi and VW were quick to jump on the crossover bandwagon for starters. Heck, even Mitsubishi wants a piece of the pie with its average ASX.

After a good few hours behind the wheel of a new Qashqai in Madrid, Nissan can be assured that its new Cashcow is exactly that; another top-selling crossover that'll spam our roads like a viral internet meme.

Why? That's simple; the new Qashqai is good looking, smart, easy to drive and offers camel-like frugality - opt for the 1.5-litre dCi and you'll see over 70mpg. If you spec a new Qashqai to the nines, it'll even park and brake itself, and bing and bong when you stray out of your lane.

Being a crossover, the new Qashqai's a bit like a jacked-up hatchback, despite being 15mm lower to the ground than the outgoing model. It's also 47mm longer than before and a bit wider, which makes it slightly better to drive. Speaking of which, the car's very good at what it needs to be very good at: comfort? It's quiet and the suspension is supple, so check. Road manners? It's grippy and corners confidently, another check. Safety? Thanks to Nissan's new 'safety shield' (including parking sensors, lane-departure warning and collision avoidance), that's game, set and match.

As ever, the raised driving position appeals to family owners and, as I found out with my 1.5-litre dCi front-drive test car, helps make a mundane journey a little more interesting...

Unlike a standard hatch, a car like the Qashqai makes light work of a muddy track should you choose to go exploring. I did, and the car dragged me up a road that would have beached anything else with a normal ride height.

Inside, Nissan's made great efforts to give the cabin a premium look and feel. It's worked. The interior is awash with soft-touch plastics and LCD displays, the dash is smart and big buttons mean that even the most ham-fisted among us will be able to use them.

Three engines are currently offered in the Qashqai line-up - a 1.2-litre DIG-T petrol with 114bhp, a 1.5-litre dCi with 109bhp and a 1.6-litre dCi with 128bhp - while a 1.6-litre DIG-T petrol with 148bhp joins the range later. The one to go for is the two-wheel drive 1.5 dCi, which offers the best economy (74mpg, 99g/km CO2). Granted, it's woefully slow (0-62mph in 12.4sec, 112mph flat out) and far from exciting, but it'll chug along confidently at a steady 80mph.

On top of the engines, you get the choice of either a six-speed manual or six-speed CVT gearbox. If you like getting from A-B on the same day, go for the manual. The auto might be smooth enough, but it makes the already slow Qashqai borderline pedestrian. Anyway, the manual's nice and easy to use (the cheaper option too with prices kicking off from £17,595 for the entry-level 1.2-litre Visia), which makes it a no-brainer.

While I won't be buying one anytime soon (I currently struggle to maintain a plant, let alone a family of my own), the Qashqai is something I can see myself considering one day in the future. Of course, that'll sit outside, while my race car takes pride of place in the garage.