8 Seriously Cool Cars You Should Never Drive

Have you ever found yourself lusting after a car which you know to be rubbish, but can’t help it for the machine’s gorgeous looks? We frequently find ourselves in that position, so thought we’d gather together some of the finest looking and coolest cars ever made that fail badly in areas other than aesthetics.

Alfa Romeo Brera

We could easily fill this list with just Alfas, as the Italian manufacturer’s unofficial mantra for years has seemed to be ‘beautiful but a bit rubbish.’ One of the most recent examples of this was the Brera. Utterly gorgeous to look at, but disappointing dynamically, and not all that fast. And with the glorious ‘Busso’ Alfa V6 dead and buried, the range-topper made do with a considerably less characterful GM-derived six-banger. There was talk of a hot GTA version rumoured to be powered by a Maserati V8, but one never materialised.

DeLorean DMC-12

It’s a shame the production of the DMC-12 was so poorly executed, as its stainless steel body and gullwing doors - plus the eventual Back To The Future connection - make it unfeasibly cool. Built quality and reliability of early models were exceptionally poor, while the rear-mounted 150bhp 2.85-litre V6 made the car desperately slow. Things were even worse for US cars, which had a further 20bhp drop due to the power-sapping catalytic converter that was added, which gave it a 0-60mph time of 10 seconds. The company came to a bizarre end when it went bankrupt after founder John Delorean was arrested on drug trafficking charges, which were eventually dropped.

BMW Z8

With its retro 507-inspired looks the Z8 is a beauty, but road testers of the time were presented with rubbish steering and bucket loads of understeer. It also seemed to have an identity crisis, not knowing if it was a cruiser, an out-and-out sports car, or something else entirely. Throw in the fact that it was incredibly expensive new, and you have quite a problem. As very few were sold - only a handful of which made it to the UK - it’s now an incredibly rare machine, so remains one of the most alluring models in BMW’s history, despite the fact it’s not anywhere near as good as it could have been.

Aston Martin DB7

The DB7 may be sensationally gorgeous, but it’s really not a great car. Aston wasn’t exactly flush with cash at the time, so the DB7 ended up being built on an evolution of the ancient Jaguar XJS platform. With Ford owning the British company at the time, the considerably less glamorous Blue Oval parts bin was thoroughly raided for much of the DB7’s switchgear. Those hoping for a bargain Aston are better off spending a little more on an early DB9 or V8 Vantage.

Jaguar XJS

Speaking of the XJS, that too is a car which falls firmly into the ‘crap but cool’ bracket. It came as a bit of a shock to those used to the curvaceous Jag E-Type when released, but time has been kind to the XJS. With its slightly angular profile and chunky rear buttresses, many consider the XJS to be one of the prettiest Jags ever. But the sad fact is, Jags of this era weren’t the best built, and reliability of early models was particularly poor. You can take solace in the fact that later ones are better, though, and that there are companies like Knowles-Wilkins Engineering that have XJS modernisation programmes which include sorting out the car’s naff electrical systems.

Lancia Beta Montecarlo

The oh-so 70s wedge shape of the Beta Montecarlo promised much, but the mid-engined car’s production run was beset with problems. The main one was with the front brakes, which were extremely prone to locking up. Handling near the limit was also known to be a little hairy. Lancia actually took the car out of production for several years while it sorted out the problems, resulting in the considerably better ‘S2’ version.

Alfa Romeo 8C

The second Alfa in this list had so much promise: a body so sexy it bordered on pornography, and lots of Maserati bits underneath. It never quite delivered the driving experience people had hoped for, though, with some road testers at the time noting lots of body roll and an unpredictable nature in the corners. That didn’t put buyers off, as all 500 of the coupes - and the 500 Spider versions that came later - were quickly snapped up. And if we had the cash, we’d have one too.

Ferrari 208

The 308 is one of the prettiest cars Ferrari ever made, and remains an iconic shape today. With a 2.9-litre V8 is was also pretty quick for its time, but the same can’t be said for the related 208. It was a very similar car, and came with that same stunning look, but had one very important difference: the engine was only a 2.0-litre. Italian vehicle tax laws meant that having a car displacing under 2000cc was particularly advantageous. The only issue was, the 2.0-litre V8 in the early 208s had a measly 155bhp to contend with; not exactly the sort of performance you’d expect from Maranello. Later turbocharged versions had a bit more poke.