2010 Audi A4: The Car With The Sixth Sense

The other day I was listening to my friend explain about his current model Audi A4 1.8TFSI. This car is an amazing car, not because of how it drives or how it performs, but because of all of its systems (it does also drive well by the way). The car is packed full of electronics and sensors that would make the world's most advanced fighter aircraft seem obsolete. Let me tell you readers why I say this Audi is among the world's most complicated piece of machinery made by man, and why it is actually the catalyst towards machines taking over the world.

This isn't a car, it's a space station. This friend of mine took it to a garage who is in good relations with the Audi Club Malaysia members. He took it to get the engine oil and the filter changed as he regularly does at the garage, but they found that the fluid filled engine mount was leaking. This being an Audi, the first thing the garage owner does to properly ensure that there is indeed a leak in the mountings is to plug in the VAG fault code reader (like in the photo below) to see whether there is a leak or not.

What they found out was that there was indeed a faulty engine mount. Of course it was obvious as my friend could see that the engine mount was indeed leaking with his own two eyes. But this being an Audi, it needs a computer to tell you that it is actually leaking fluid. Audi has a sensor located at each engine mount telling its ECU that the mount is working perfectly or not. My friend said he couldn't even feel any difference even with the leak. But this isn't the point.

The point of this story is that it seems that Audi is very dependent on sensors and electronics. I think they are at the point where it seems totally ridiculous. Why so? Well, moving on with the story, the guy who runs the garage explains to my friend that Audis have sensors at the engine mountings, and then they have another sensor mounted on the engine mounting sensor that tells you that the sensor sensing the engine mounting is indeed working.

There is also a sensor telling you that your fuel filler lid is working or not. There is also a sensor telling you that the sensor for that fuel filler lid sensor is working too. Just like the sensor for the sensor sensing that engine mounting. There are sensors for everything in the Audi A4, and the Audi A4 isn't an R8 or anything like that. Imagine what sensors an R8 might have since it is the flagship Audi coupe. This sort of redundancy was only thought to exist in aircraft or in a TIE fighter, but not in an entry level executive car. Or any car for that matter.

I was stumped. Simple items like a broken engine mount or a broken fuel lid shouldn't need sensors or another sensor to sense whether the sensor was working or not. It somehow has occurred to the Germans running Audi that our judgment and our eyesight isn't reliable enough to tell us that there is something wrong with a leaky engine mounting, faulty fuel lid or any other visible and therefore obvious faults. Like the electronic nanny we have for traction control, we now have someone pointing out the very obvious.

But what this Audi shows us is that we are reaching that stage where we want electronics to take over simple and menial tasks like doing a thorough visual check on a car. It is going to reach a stage where if you have a flat tire you are going to plug in that fault code reader and see why your car feels funny, pulling to one side or feeling like one side's sitting lower than the other instead of looking at that flat tire thinking “Ohhh, so that's why the car doesn't ride well”.

In those days the Audi didn't have a miniaturized accountant sitting inside the ECU telling you that it needs new engine oil or new brake fluid. If you do not service it soon, the miniaturized accountant will tell the ECU that the car hasn't been serviced on time and in order to prolong the life of the car, it needs to be put into 'safe mode'. This is when the ECU decides to lower the rev limiter, retard the ignition timing, cam timing and any sort of strenuous activity that the engine does in order to protect it . We are now bound to service the car when it wants you to, not when you want to do so. There goes freedom of choice down the drain.

It has also become so specialized that one day there are going to be sensors telling you that you need to lose weight as you have sunk an extra inch into the seat since last month. Which bring us to another point. All these little sensors add weight. If there were one hundred sensors that weigh ten grams each, you would add 1kg to the weight of the car. These sensors have wires attached to them. Even if these wires were multiplex harnesses, it would still be some weight gained here too.

I think this is the problem with cars nowadays. Gone are the days where people can tell what's wrong with them. Nowadays, you can't even tell why the car suddenly jerks while accelerating. Those days you would think that it was because the carburettor jets are clogged or that the spark plugs are worn out. But now, it could be due to the car realizing all by itself that it hasn't had a service in six months and it has decided to go on strike till you do. In those days you could run a car until you were ready to send it for a service.

These sensors and all the motors to power electric seats, mirrors, motors for swiveling/self leveling lights, other creature comforts that require motors all add weight. And we are complaining why cars nowadays are getting heavier. The answer is easy. Car manufacturers think that by putting all sorts of sensors and motorized comforts they are doing us all a favor. The only favor made here is that we get lazier and too dependent on all of these systems. And because of this, machines are going to rule the world one of these days.

I may one day drive a car that may want to murder me because I pick my nose in the car while driving, or that I fail to remove that empty cola can from the cup holder. I may choose to still drive a car from the year 2005 in 2025 because it may end up bossing me around. All because of finding out that an Audi A4 has sensors everywhere in the year 2010.