10 Cars With Offensively Ironic Names

10. Ford Aspire

Aspire to what, exactly? Driving a car that's something other than a suppository-shaped death trap? The Aspire was undoubtedly the low point of domestic captive imports, a rank pile of junk with no redeeming attributes besides having a roof and tyres - making it better than a bicycle. Even more ironic, it was a rebadged Kia Avela - which was the replacement for the stupidly named Kia Pride.

9. Toyota Avalon

In Arthurian legends, Avalon was a magical island where King Arthur went to rehabilitate after a battle. The fruit grew itself, everyone lived to be a hundred, and life was perfect. In real life, Avalon is a stretched-out Camry that's not quite a Lexus, and less interesting than watching paint dry. Meh.

8. Ford Probe

When it was time for Ford to come up with a name for its front-drive replacement for the Mustang in the early 1990's, they could've gone with something sexy. Like Hurricane, or Leopard, or X300 Turbo Facepunch. Instead, they went with Probe, which is what your proctologist drives... when he's in the office. That's probably why they kept making the Mustang instead, and why no one remembers the Probe.

7. Mitubishi Starion

According to Mitsubishi, "Starion" is a contraction of "Star of Orion" - which is pretty cool. According to urban legend, it's a mistranslation of "Stallion" - as in Mustang. Horribly racist, and it doesn't help that promotional materials for the Starion (which is actually a pretty damn cool car) featured an angry horse head logo. Sigh.

6. Fisker Karma

The Fisker Karma is a pretty cool car. Sexy, eco-friendly, and fast. But problems with batteries catching fire, 320 of them being destroyed during Hurricane Sandy and Consumer Reports tester being DOA...could it be Karma? Could this joke tell itself any more clearly?

5. Acura Vigor

Acura has always been the runt of the 3 Japanese luxury brands, with more hits than misses. My favorite is the sadly named Vigor, the model everyone forgot about. Slotting between the nimble Integra and powerful Legend, the Vigor had a wheezy 2.5L five-cylinder engine pointed north-south and driving the front wheels. 176 horsepower from the single-cam five banger does not qualify as Vigorous.

4. Daihatsu Charade

I'm sorry, the marketing department must have been joking when they named this car. It's a Charade of what? A car you want to be caught dead in? It makes a Charade of your dignity?

3. Suzuki Swift

This would be a great name for one of Zuk's infamous monster motorcycles; much like the GSX-1300R Hayabusa. Swift is not quite the right name to attach to a car with a 55bhp 1.0L 3-cylinder engine, though. It's US market name is much more apropos: Metro.

2. Chevrolet Monte Carlo

I understand the desire to name cars after beautiful places. The Ferrari California, for instance. Or the Chrysler Aspen. Perhaps even the Chevrolet Malibu. But when you think of Monte Carlo, literally the last car you're going to see there is a Chevrolet Monte Carlo. Ever. It would be like Tata releasing a version of the Nano called the Nurburgring.

1. Chevrolet Nova

In English, Nova is an astrological term. It's also a cool old Chevrolet muscle car. What's not surprising is why it never sold well in Spanish speaking markets: Nova. No-va. Meaning: "Doesn't go." That's like selling a tyre called a Mayrun.

Honorable Mentions

We can't forget winners like the Hyundai Tiburon (Spanish for "Shark", Korean for "Sonata Coupe.")  Nissan Juke (Joke + Puke?) and my favorite, the Mazda Tribute - this is not the greatest car in the world, no.  This is just a Tribute.

What'd I miss, CT readers? Be sure to leave your comments in the box.