Unpopular Opinion: I Have A Weird Love For These Coupe/SUV Things

"All SUV Coupes are created equal, but some look better than others." - George Orwell...kind of...

I figured it was best to start off with one of the best looking vehicles in this awkward segment of the automotive industry, the GLC63S Coupe. I always refer to this segment as the “I wanted a (insert real coupe equivalent here), but the spouse said “no”,” segment. The SUV Coupe is a bit of an anomaly, but seeing as how the segment has been around for ten years, I think it’s here to stay.

BMW started the SUV Coupe segment back in 2008 with this, the first BMW X6. I could never really make up my mind on what I thought of the original X6 because I liked the design language, which is interesting because I tend to despise most BMWs (E60 M5, E90 M3, and 507 excluded), but in the same respect, I think that the “Sport” part of “Sport Utility Vehicle” should be limited to plastic cladding and silly marketing campaigns. I definitely like the new X6, and the X6 M makes an interesting proposal for the person who needs a big, high riding, luxury barge with 567 horsepower. And this is where my opinions start to spiral out of control.

While eventually all sedans are gonna sprout all-wheel-drive and shoot up into the heavens like these few have, hopefully they have better styling. I personally think that the bigger these “coupes” get, the more ugly they look. Like I love the proportions of the GLC Coupe, but every time I see a GLE Coupe, it reminds me of that “This is what peak performance looks like” meme. I think it comes down to the fact that they want the GLE and GLC Coupes to be the sportier equivalent, so they gave them these AMG GT-inspired taillights, and they make the car look a lot bigger, and a lot heavier.

BMW’s design language fills out the large body panels better, so with the exception of the GLC63S Coupe, I’d have the BMW (I needed to go wash my hands after writing that). Mercedes-Benz’s SUV coupes have a really bland rear end, in fact, I can’t say that there has been a new Mercedes-Benz rear fascia that I’ve enjoyed since the W212 E-Class. Which is a shame, because I would rather own a Mercedes than a BMW.

This design language would have worked a lot better, though who knows because this is just a concept. I’m also relatively confident in the fact that a GLS Coupe and an X8 aren’t too far off from reality, other than Mercedes and BMW signing off on the respective projects. I also have no doubt in my mind that GM is looking over the fence at the Germans and is preparing some sort of Cadillac competitor. Perhaps, who knows? What I do know is that, much like the minivan, and the crossover segment in general, there will be the few pioneering companies that try interesting things (cough, cough, 1984 AMC Eagle cough, cough, 1984 Toyota Van) and other companies that sit back and wait to show off their lightning in a bottle.

In short, much like George Orwell kind of said, “All SUV Coupes are created equal, but some look better than others,”. I think we can all agree that the Velar is the true king of the SUV Coupes.

But what are your thoughts? Should these things be killed off faster than they are produced? Or are you willing to wait 10 years and buy a metaphorical “Toyota Camry XCross XLE”? Comment Below!!!