Truly Hipster Cars #blogpost
What really is a hipster car? It is a harder question than you think. Are all brown turbo-diesel Volvo estates hipster car? Well, maybe; but how about a first gen Ford Falcon? What if it wasn’t a coupe? What if it wasn’t a V8? The line gets blurred when the car gets closer to classic car rather than a hipster-only car. However, there is one thing that’s certain. I am most definitely a hipster. And if I love a certain car that you don’t love, than the car must be a hipster car right?
Lancia itself was sort of a hipster brand. The engineers looked at the two beautifully designed Italian coupes and said to each others,
“You know what would be ironic as f^ck? What if we make them front-wheel-drive?”
“Hahaahahahahahhha, I love it.”
“But what about the engine?”
“Eh f^ck it, we’ll cram it sideways, we have to make it FWD.”
What’s the car that 90’s gangster rappers and my grandma both like? The Lexus LS 400. You see it briefly in the movie “Straight Outta Compton” and you can hear it in the rap “Hypnotize” by Notorious B.I G.. But if you like this car and you’re neither a 90’s gangster rapper nor my grandma, you’re probably a hipster. The car checks all the hipster’s checklist. Is it practical? Hell yea. Is it bland as f^ck? You bet your sweet little ass. Is the car good nonetheless? like none other.
Friend 1: “What’s the point of owning a smallest Hummer?”
Friend 1: “With a genuine Hummer mileage.”
Friend 1: “This is the dumbest purchase I’ve ever seen.”
Me: (sound of a man masturbating to the urethral sphincter stimulating irony)
Nothing gets me harder than an unassuming saloon with secrets. You know BMWs are fast, you know Benzes are fast, but a Vauxhall? Nah. However, it is a pity that real car enthusiasts value these things and the price tag reflects that.
A deluxe sedan for successful businessmen in mother Soviet-Union.
Also Known as a Fiat 124 S, a small family sedan for farmers in Italy. Hahahahahhhahaaahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahhaaahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhaahahhaahahahaahahahahhhahahah. Hmpf I want one.
Leaf sprung solid rear and front suspension? It will ride like a truck, I love it. But why a MG VA and not every pre-war car? It looks decent and is cheap.
(Seriously, I don’t know why but a solid front suspension is my fetish. It is worse than a double wishbone or a Macpherson suspension in every single way except for the manufacturing cost but there’s something about this archaic system that I can’t handle)(ba dum tss)
Nissan 300ZX Z31
Ok, let’s be serious, I have no clue why this car isn’t as appreciated as the predecessor or the successor. I think this is the best looking Z-car ever. It comes with a VG engine and a RB engine (JDM). I honestly don’t think this is a hipster car. It just doesn’t get the following other Z-cars get. And that tickles my heart. The Z31 has no big flaws whatsoever. Instead, it sold 100,000 more units than it’s successor, Z32 (the one with a twin-turbo v6).
No, not just a Toyota Crown, but a Crown Comfort. The car was made to be a Japanese taxi and most of them are built with natural gas fuel system. I love its almost iconic plump proportions and its 2JZ swap potential. My naughty automotive dream is to have a 2JZ Crown Comfort with a custom Rocket Bunny body kit. It will be like a Japanese version of the French comedy movie series “TAXI”.
It’s the most hipster Jeep ever built (except for those p^ssy ass Jeeps like Compass or Renegade). Actually, it’s not a jeep at all. It is just as far from the original Jeep as the HMMWV (the OG Hummer). Horizontal bar grill instead of vertical, and here’s the kicker, independent suspension front and back. I want to daily this thing if I can find one with a proper set of doors.
Honestly, I don’t like this car in a single bit. The front reminds me of a face that probably will say “It’s just a prank, bro.” However, this car is unique as hell. It carried over a drivetrain from the Alfasud, which was developed by a VW Beetle developer. And not surprisingly, it came with a boxer engine but mounted up front powering the front wheels. But this car holds a record that all hipsters in the world will drool (from the upper and lower body). The car came with a diesel version. And because of it’s weird drivetrain setup, the engine was a 1.8 liter inline-3 diesel engine, setting the record of the largest three cylinder diesel engine for passenger car. I repeat, the largest, inline 3, diesel. This is the quirkiest engine I know from a fairly bland car.
Thank you for reading this genuinely disturbing collection of words that I dare call an “blogpost”.
Yes, it’s hideous. Yes, nothing has changed underneath the bonnet. But that’s not the point. The high mileage is not the point either. This car pisses off both spectrum of car owners and I f^cking love it. This is a rolling irony that get’s high mileage as a bonus. Do you want attention without respect? Get this.
Did you know that you can’t flip this car over at any speed? F1 driver was involved in development of this car! My car doesn’t have a fuel gauge; instead, it has a dipstick in a gas tank, weight reduction bro! Let’s have a picnic bro, it’s not a gay thing to do, my seat comes out and becomes a lawn chair! Eggs over a plowed field bro! My engine is too weak for the limited slip differential bro! Bro, I’m planning of putting a BMW bike motor bro! It will be faster than your Civic bro! Reliable bro! Suspension bro! 3 lug nuts hold the wheel so I can’t change the rims bro!
I love the 2CV, but I can’t go around the fact that it’s a terrible car designed for terribly poor people. But how could you hate that bright little car?
This is a special one because I see a lot of people that has special feelings with this car. From “Oh my god my parents used to drive one of those when I was in Poland.” to “That was my first car and it’s surprising how big of a f^cking turd can manage to be in such a small car.”
All I know is that it’s a less charismatic Fiat 500 and that it was everywhere in Eastern Europe. I also know that people turn these into a rally machine and it is the ballsiest thing I’ve even seen since Group B.