You can get all the nitty gritty details at the 24 Hours of LeMons website, but I’ll lay out the basic premises of the series.  It’s a 24-hour (mostly) endurance race that takes place over two days at various US race tracks all year long.  During 2009, there are 11 scheduled events (which includes the Concours d’Crap, the “world’s most terrible car show” that was back in August), and it’s expected there will be even more next year.

What’s special about LeMons is that rather than a competition-supported “minimum” race budget, it has a maximum budget.  Of $500.  Not including safety equipment, of course, but that’s still not a whole lot of money.  This shifts the focus from “who can buy the most expensive parts?” to “who is the most creative with their limited resources?”  This is what’s been missing from racing for a while now, and it’s time that I (and probably 9 of my closest friends) got a piece of the action.  We’re hoping to put together a LeMons team for next year, competing in some of the East-Coast events.  The big question, of course, is “what are we going to use?”

There are a few things to keep in mind about LeMons, of course.  For one thing, a car’s absolute speed potential is pretty irrelevant in this race.  The tracks are pretty short with a lack of long straights, so huge gobs of power are less than crucial.  What is crucial is absolute toughness.  Remember, these are $500 beater cars, being beat on for 24 hours on a race track.  Mechanical failures aren’t a question of “if” but rather “how many?”  Which means that a car that A) doesn’t break a lot, B) isn’t hard to find parts for and C) is easy to work on would be ideal.

Also, honestly, it’s gotta be interesting.  We’re not gonna hit the track in a front-wheel-drive Corolla.  With these things in mind, here’s what my brainstorming so far has come up with.  What I want from you, dear readers, is all the feedback you’re willing to give on this topic.  (Especially you, Brian!)

Honda Civic CRX, 1984-1991

Honestly, the CRX was the first thing that popped into my head when I started contemplating LeMons glory.  Basically a lighter, shorter, nimbler and quicker Civic, the CRX has a lot of things going for it – but some downsides as well.  Still, tempting.

Pros: Easy to find, supremely light, great handling capabilities, massive aftermarket support, hondahondahonda…

Cons: Not exactly a new idea, hard to find ones without bondo and ricey taillights, old Hondas tend to pop head gaskets under track duty.  1st-generation CRX’s had goofy suspension too (torsion beam front, semi-independent rear)

Pontiac Fiero

You know you’re tempted.  Forget that the Fiero basically used the powertrain from a Chevrolet Citation (seriously!) turned around backwards.  Forget it’s fire-breathing tendencies.  (or would that be fire-catching?)  Just imagine the glory of the Index of Effluency award when you finish LeMons in an Iron-Duke equipped Fiero!

Pros: cheap, not hard to find, cool as all get out, high probability of Index of Effluency award

Cons: Iron Duke is awful with a capital “A”, Fieros break down on days ending with “Y”, handling isn’t that great, potential for burning to death.

Toyota MR2 (original generation)

The MR2 is basically the sensical equivalent to the Fiero.  Honestly, it’s never been as cool, and no one’s going to be surprised that you finished the race in one – hey, it’s a Toyota!  What were you expecting?  But the MR2 is vastly superior to the Fiero in almost every imaginable way, so that counts for something.

Pros: 50/50 weight distribution from the mid-engine layout, 4A-GE racing derived 16v motor shrieks like a banshee, quite reliable really, can use as a doorstop if it breaks down.

Cons: Very hard to find these days, much less for $500.  Not as cool as the Fiero.  Three spoke wheels belong on Saabs.  No one will be surprised and delighted that you finished in the first place.

Merkur XR4Ti (1985-1989)

Of course, it’d have to have the bi-plane spoiler and the phone-dial wheels.  Preferrably an extremely faded shade of red, maybe with a huge dent in the side.  Perhaps my desire to run a Merkur in LeMons is related to my undying desire to just simply have a Merkur, but I feel this would be one of the more entertaining ways to get around the track.

Pros: it’s like a Fox-body, only with independent rear suspension.  Ford 2.3 Turbo can make a ton of power, it’s a Merkur, potential for sideways hoonage is extremely high, $500 is about the going rate for a Merkur

Cons: uses the T9 instead of the tougher T5, despite having a hefty 175bhp.  Semi-trailing arms in the rear = lift off oversteer (is that a bad thing?), almost impossible to find (as are parts), turbomotors tend to overheat on the track.

Now, I realize that I haven’t covered everything you could possibly race in LeMons.  That’d be impossible; the world is full of cheap cars.  That’s where you come in, dear reader – what else would you suggest, and why?  I look forward to your responses!

But they’re usually far-fetched.  So let’s be a little more realistic about it.  What’s gonna be in your driveway in 5 years?  10 years?  What would you like, that you could feasibly attain?  That one’s more challenging.  When the invisible hand of fate isn’t handing you that winning lottery ticket we all hypothetically dream about, what do you realistically want to get you around?

Some people would take the “put all your eggs in one basket” cart, and finance a new car with a warranty and all the powerful new car smell (mm, adhesives and polymers!) and drive to work, make payments, and not care.

If you’ve been reading my writing, you know that doesn’t describe me.  I’d personally like to have a fleet of old, partially-running European crap from the 80′s and 90′s.  The goal is to keep at least one running at a time.  I’m assuming here that I’m living out in the boonies (which I’d like to) and that i have some understanding neighbors.  Let’s take a trip through my automotive psyche and see what’s gonna be cluttering up my driveway in 5 or 10 years.

1) My ’88 Saab SPG.

I can’t get rid of this car.  It’s bitten, and I’m hooked.  Sure, with my $3k I could’ve probably found a stick-shift mid ninties double-wishbone Accord and been reasonably amused and mechanically unchallenged.  But this car has SO much character.  And the body’s in such good shape, it would be a shame not to preserve it.  So here’s what I’d want to do to this one to get it the way I like it…

As far as appearance, really, 900 3-doors are just lovely.  I would want to lower it about an inch (using decent springs and some bilsteins) and obtain some of the 9000 Super Aero 16″ wheels – same bolt pattern, 1″ bigger, very pronounced lip.  With thanks and credit to Paul Campagna on SaabCentral.com, I really want it to look something like this:

I’d leave it otherwise fairly stock.  Modded APC on the way, keep the Forge dump valve I have, potentially go to 9000 2.3L injectors and a 900 2.1L N/A 3.0 bar fuel pressure regulator, potentially a better intercooler…  but the main point would be to have a classic 900 that runs well, sounds great, and is comfortable.  Oh, and fix the rust in the trunk.

2) Saab 9-3 Viggen

As pictured, only preferrably in a 5-door.  I’d also except Steel Grey, but not that garish Electric Blue.  The Viggen is the über-Saab, the combination of the small GM900 platform and the hottest motor from it’s bigger brother the 9-5, a torque-rich 2.3L turbo four.  Sumptuous seats, great looking, mmm… daily driver.

3) A Merkur XR4Ti

Can you say, project car?  The Merkur will have ultimate sleeper potential in a few years, when everyone has completely forgotten what they are.  Of course, it’ll be a massive pain in the arse trying to find one, but that’s ok.  Tremec T5 tranny swap, SVO head, BIG T3, big injectors, maybe MegaSquirt… gutted, caged, loud as an AC/DC concert, and sideways all the time.

4) Volkswagen Corrado SLC

The Corrado SLC was the first car I ever honestly lusted after.  Well, to be honest I’m not sure if it was a G60 or an SLC, but when I first started wanting a car – at about age 13 – it was a Corrado.  The car’s clean, minimalist lines still look fresh today, and the tight proportions and powerful stance make the Corrado look like more than the Golf-Passat bastard child hybrid it really was.  But it was a fantastic car, and i’ve been told it’s good to buy the car your heart’s always desired at some point, so you know I’ll have to have a Corrado.  I would just do a full 3″ exhaust with a Flowmaster and a test pipe, an induction kit, coilovers, TT brakes and some BBS RC wheels – like the Corrado pictured above.  But make mine Emerald Green.

5) BMW E30 M3

The E30 M3 is a living classic, a tribute to when “M” stood for “Motorsport”, and from what I’ve always heard, an absolute handful and a half to drive.  I’d probably feel guilty driving it, and chances are I’ll never be able to afford one – they’re pricey! but if my hypothetical house had a hypothetical garage, the M3′s what would be parked in it.

Of course that doesn’t leave room for the early Acura NSX, the Lotus Elise I’m buying when I strike it semi-rich, a V12 Mercedes (everyone should own one twelve-cylinder car, I think), an old Esprit Turbo, an origina 6-series…  You know, sometimes cars are more like a plague than a past-time.