Jeremy Clarkson And His Distaste For Audi Drivers

Recently, the most famous automotive journalist in the world, Jeremy Clarkson, took a step back in his fight against the "cocks" of Britain - the BMW drivers
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Audi RS4

In his view, cocks have now migrated to the four-ringed brand: Audi. The foundation for this argument? Audi is now the “it” car. With the very hip LED day-time running lights and Walter da Silva’s pen, Audi has become a design and style icon. You get noticed when you roll up in an S5. Plain and simple. In the UK, where the 3-series is one of the top 10 selling models in the whole country, driving a BMW just doesn’t get you noticed anymore. And there’s nothing a cock hates more than not being noticed. This is why he (not usually she) wears Ed Hardy clothing, has a LV wallet, and wears more hair product in one day than most people use in a month.

Read about Jeremy Clarkson’s hilarious Twitter rant

As much as I like Jeremy’s contrarian, ignorant, and sarcastic style, disagreeing with him makes me happier than agreeing with him does. Unfortunately, my experience here in Canada hasn’t been as dissimilar as I might have hoped. So many people that I know who are shallow, materialistic, and use too much hair product now long after Ingolstadt’s latest. It’s gotten so bad that I wouldn’t be caught dead in an Audi right now. Not that Audis are any better here…

BMW M3 Sedan

The sad reality in Canada, especially in my disturbingly Northern neck of the woods, is that it’s very difficult not to look like a cock to someone. Driving a CDN $70,000 German supersaloon makes it look like you’re too good for everyone else. Driving a similarly priced diesel pick-up truck makes you look like a young idiot with too much money from working in the oil patch. Heck, even driving a base 323i is seen as being a little too flash. Here, you basically have to drive something that most people know nothing about. Like a Mazdaspeed3, Volvo C30 T5, or a VW Phaeton, for example.

Really, it’s not that tough though, people don’t really know their cars here – this is Truck Country.

Getting back, if cocks are now driving Audis in Britain, specifically RS4s from what I understand, that would make it safe for Britain’s in-the-know to drive M3s again. The E9X M3 is brilliantly balanced and doesn’t look terribly different from your run of the mill 3er. This makes the M3 the car to have in the UK if you want a well-made, fast car but you don’t want to shout it out at the top of your lungs, like cocks are wanting to do.

I guess there are worse things in the world than being relegated to an M3. In Canada, we’ll just stick with our sleepers.

Disclaimer: This is a guest post by Peter, editor of a website dedicated to Canadian car enthusiasts.

Read about Jeremy Clarkson’s hilarious Twitter rant

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  • Thomas`

    I have noticed that i am frequently being tailgated by men in their Audis’, despite not being able to drive any faster because there is a car in front of me. Also a friend of mine was actually followed by an audi driver, the driver of the audi put his middle finger up at my friend who then did the same, Audi driver then starts shouting abuse at friend following him round for five minuted flashing his lights and honking before overtaking him.

    • Vorsprung70

      Yeah blah, blah, blah, my uncle’s neighbor’s dog’s cousin told this bulls**t story about 1 insane douchebag Audi driver that became the benchmark to generalizing all other Audi drivers because they didn’t take their Prozac. Let’s see what kind of car you drive Thomas, so we can place a generalization about what kind of testicle pilot you are.

      • James

        You sound mildly butthurt about someone hating on Audi’s. Simple guess, based on username, your an Audi driver.

        • Jones

          Shut the fuck up, and go back to your dormitory.

  • Tish

    Yep, Audi drivers are officially the worst in Britain. I used to say that about BMW drivers, like Jeremy. But I have been pointlessly tailgated by solely Audi A4 drivers for the past year or so. They don’t know how to drive and have an inflated opinion of their status. It’s hardly a Ferrari. It’s just another German saloon. They have no manners, and act more like they stole their cars than bought them. Total cocks.

    • RC1066

      I get tailgated by white transit vans, BMWs, renault clio’s and other Audi’s. Its true I did not buy a BMW because of the driver’s reputation, but I drive a Car that I like, because it appeals to me, I do not care what anyone else thinks, but it does attract a little too much attention from other drivers, which probably a reason for me be tailgated, also I refuse to speed above the speed limits, which appears to frustrate other drivers. I am not risking my license or safety for anyone. By the way I drive an Red Audi A5. My wife has been harrassed on many occassion by other drivers, she drives an Volvo XC 90, I think its just a case that people have forgotten their manners and think they can act without consequence. Well I say to them, good luck in the service station, when people you have offended catch up with you.


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